“Please, Fujimoto, come in, make yourself at home, help yourself to a drink. Knocking before you enter is just a rule that applies to the rest of the universe,” Ash said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He didn’t bother turning around to look at Ray, or even pull his attention away from the computer screen. Ray, they had decided after knowing him less than two weeks, was entirely the problem of his roommate.

Erik cringed at the tone in Ash’s voice and kept his gaze focussed steadily on the television screen. Reflexively, his grip on the controller tightened, his knuckles whitening. “Tell you about what, Ray?” he asked warily.

Not bothering with taking his shoes off, Ray practically bounded into the room, leaving the door open behind him, and inserted himself between Erik and the screen. He put his hands on Erik’s shoulders and leaned forward so that they were practically nose to nose. Erik made a face, leaned back, and tried to see past Ray to the screen where his character was being steadily pummelled by Dustin’s.

Dustin’s reasoning was that if they stopped games every time Ray appeared to make a nuisance of himself, they would never finish anything.

When Erik moved his head, Ray’s followed. Ray was in no mood to be ignored.

Erik sighed and stopped trying to escape. “What is it, Ray?”

“Why,” Ray asked, “did you not tell me there was somewhere we could buy beer legally?”

Erik favoured his roommate with a blank look.

Ray shook Erik, trying to impart the seriousness of the situation. “Lloydminister, Thor, Lloydminister! A guy in my computer science class said the drinking age there is eighteen!”

“What do I care?” asked Erik, mentally cursing all computer science students. “I’m not eighteen.”

“Doesn’t matter! You’re almost eighteen, and you’re tall and scary!”

“I’m not scary.”

“Dust’s eighteen,” Ray said, releasing Erik abruptly. He darted behind the couch and put a hand on Dustin’s shoulder. “And he has a car, don’t you Dust?”

Dustin nodded, his attention still on the game.

“Ray, we have beer here. We don’t need to go to Lloyd.”

“But this’ll be fun, Thor, fun. Like a road trip. Plus, there’s girls in bars. No girls here.” A dark-skinned woman with a shaved head and an icy blond came out of the one of the bedrooms, walking past the boys and out the door. Hastily, Ray amended his statement. “No girls here who want to sleep with us.”

“Dustin . . .” Erik looked imploringly at his best friend.

Dustin shrugged his shoulders, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Dammit, Dustin, don’t encourage the idiot!”

“See, Dust thinks it’ll be fun too.” Ray slapped Dustin’s shoulder in delight. Then he spun around to face Ash. “So, Ash, you in? Don’t know if they’d buy you for eighteen but – ” Ray’s exuberant entreaty was cut off in mid-sentence as Ash absently spun his chair around, slamming his fist into Ray’s solar plexis.

“I have a test on Monday that I need to study for,” Ash responded calmly as he turned back to the computer, leaving Ray on the floor clutching his stomach in silent agony.

Erik peered over the couch, watching Ray’s suffering with a neutral expression on his face. “We are not, I repeat, not going to Lloydminister, Ray. It’s an incredibly stupid and pointless idea. Now get off the floor before someone trips over you.”

“I just want to register my opinion that this was a stupid idea,” Erik said sulkily from the back seat.

“We heard you, Thor,” Ray said, drumming his fingers on the dashboard of Dustin’s car.

“I’d also like to point out that we’re lost.”

Dustin twitched a dismissive shoulder in Erik’s direction, eyes on the road.

“Says you,” muttered Erik, leaning his head back against the window and stretching his legs as much as he could into the other seat. His knees nearly brushed the car’s ceiling. Dustin’s car might have been the most expensive, efficient, classy model on the market when the McClouds had bought it as a graduation present for their son, but Erik was beginning to harbour serious suspicions that it had also been chosen via criteria that would make it “Very uncomfortable for that Thorbiornsen boy.”

“We’re not lost, Thor. I can see where we are on the map.”

“Prince Albert is nowhere near Lloyd,” Erik snarled. “You’re a horrible navigator.”

“So we’re making a little detour. That’s part of what road trips are about, Thor. Going off course, having spontaneous fun, seeing the sights –”

“Of Prince Albert.”

Ray waved a dismissive hand and tried to look like he was enjoying himself as Dustin took a sharp, abrupt turn around the corner. Erik was smugly satisfied to see that this roommate was looking very green as he hastily began to roll down the window. He propped an elbow on the sill but didn’t seem to have the nerve to stick his entire head out. He settled for inhaling sharply, and tried to look like the combination of city and pulp mill air was refreshing. “That’s the tenth pawnshop we’ve passed since we came into town,” he said abruptly. “If we were playing a drinking game –”

“Would you please stop thinking about alcohol? That’s how we got into this mess.”

Ray sighed. “You have no sense of adventure, Thor.”

Erik refused to rise to the bait, instead steeling his stomach as Dustin turned another corner. Abruptly, Erik sat bolt upright. He hit his head on the ceiling and grabbed Dustin’s shoulder. “Break, dammit, break!”

Ray said something that was probably a swear word and dug his fingernails into the dashboard.

Unblinkingly, Dustin swerved to the side and began to break. The process was abruptly halted as they hit a fire hydrant.

Slowly, Ray released his death grip on the dashboard and stuck his head out the window. Streams of water hit his face and coated the front of the car. With a voice that only shook slightly, he said, “That old lady’s waving her walking stick at us in a rather threatening way.”

Erik pushed himself away from the driver’s seat and tried to untangle his limbs. At Ray’s words, he winced. “Is she just standing there waving it?”

“No, she’s walking away. Going into a yard, ringing the house’s doorbell, and, yes, she’s going inside.” Ray frowned. “An old lady like her shouldn’t be so trusting. People can be dangerous.”

“We’re the dangerous ones, idiot. We nearly ran her over and hit a fire hydrant! She’s going to call the fucking cops! Dammit, Dustin!” Erik punched his best friend in the arm. “You should have let me drive!”

Dustin, his hands still on the steering wheel, turned to blink at Erik.

“Screw that, man. This is what you get for listening to him,” he jerked a thumb in Ray’s direction. “We’re going to be arrested now, you realize that?” He poked Ray viciously in the side of the head. “So much for your big road trip idea.”

Ray turned around in his chair to stare at Erik. An evil grin began to spread over his round face. “Not necessarily.”

Dustin lifted an eyebrow, looking at Ray with as much of a thoughtful expression his usually bland countenance could muster.

Erik scowled. “I’m pretty sure people who nearly run over old ladies and destroy fire hydrants don’t get off with a fine and a slap on the wrist, Ray!”

“But we didn’t do those things. Dust did them.”

“You’re insane!” Erik exploded. “Not only is it illegal to leave the scene of an accident, but we can’t just leave Dustin here to handle this by himself!”

“I think Dust would do a much better job handling the police than us, don’t you, Thor?”

“Yes, but – ”

“And Dust doesn’t mind. Do you, Dust?” Ray turned his head, fixing his sly smile on Dustin.

Dustin shrugged.

“There you are, then,” said Ray, looking remarkably proud of himself as he got out of the car. Quickly, he moved out of the fire hydrant’s spray radius.

“But –” began Erik.

Ray opened one of the back doors, one arm resting casually on the roof of the car. “Hey, look, a police car.”

Erik choked in terror.

Grinning, Ray grabbed Erik’s arm, dragging him out of the car. He waved at Dustin – “We’ll catch up with you later” – and slammed the door. Frozen, Erik continued to stare in the direction of the approaching police cars. Ray sighed and tightened his grip on Erik’s arm. “Come on, Thor,” he said, before setting off at a run.

“We’re horrible people.”

“No, we aren’t,” Ray replied, hands shoved deep into his pockets as they walking along the river bank. “Dust’ll be fine. He’s a genius or something, right?”

Reluctantly, Erik made a noise of affirmation.

“There you go, then. If we’d stuck around, we would have just slowed Dust and his mad genius skills down.”

“Your logic sickens me.”

“Have it your way, then. Kill yourself with guilt.” Ray grinned and sat down abruptly on the grass. He kicked his shoes off and dangled his feet over the edge, the cold water of the North Saskatchewan river far below. He dropped a rock and watched it fall. “You can’t tell me our man Dust hasn’t been arrested before, the way he drives.”

Erik cringed and sidestepped the issue as best he could. “It didn’t really matter, back in Crow Lake,” he said with a frown, standing behind his roommate. “Nowhere to drive – ”

“And no little old ladies who can’t be bothered to exercise a bit of precaution when out walking?” Ray grinned over his shoulder at Erik.

An answering grin pulled at Erik’s mouth. “Something like that.”

“Look at it this way: Dust and his bad driving are practically forces of Darwinian selection.”

Erik grimaced. “And we come back to the bit where you’re a horrible person. Would you have given that explanation if that old woman had been hit? Or killed?”

Ray, still grinning, turned his attention back to the river. “Depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether I could convince the police here that I have diplomatic immunity.”

The idea was at once an immense relief to Erik and a source of sudden terror. If this was true, then all the insane things Ray did might, just possibly, not lead to his arrest, although the same could not be said for any friends (or roommates) that he dragged into his insanity. But, if Ray had this legal security blanket, what reason would he have to restrain himself in his insane schemes? Erik shuddered and eyed the back of Ray’s head. “Do you have diplomatic immunity?”

Ray whistled a tune Erik didn’t recognize, pulling up blades of grass absently. He threw a couple down toward the river and put another between his lips, blowing on it thoughtfully. He half-turned toward Erik, looking up at him, and for a moment Erik thought his roommate was going to answer the question. Then, Ray’s attention was jerked back to the river and he leaned forward, pointing down to the water. “Look! Ducks!” he said, half-genuine enthusiasm and half a desire to change the subject.

“Ray,” Erik said in exasperation, and stepped forward, just as Ray apparently lost his balance. “Ray!” he yelped and dove forward, snatching at his roommate and ending up with handfuls of air. Nervously, he peered over the edge.

No Ray.

Swearing, Erik jumped to his feet and bolted for the only area they had passed that had actually descended to the same level as the river. He was almost certain Ray knew how to swim, and the current of the river wasn’t that strong, he was almost sure of it. But, have you ever known anyone dumb enough to plunge into the North Saskatchewan in order to find out? Erik grimaced and ran faster.

As his feet skidded across the dirt and gravel that lead to the small removable dock, Erik saw Ray’s gloved hands. Dark skin grasped at the stained wood of the dock, and water rolled off black leather. He tried to stop his frantic running when he realized Ray hadn’t gotten himself stupidly drowned, but old shoes so worn as to be nearly frictionless slipped on the small pebbles, and Erik fell headfirst onto the path, rolling the rest of the way down.

Erik pushed himself off the ground, spat out a mouthful of gravel, and, with increasing reluctance, went to the edge of the dock where he helped pull Ray out of the river.

Ray sneezed, dripped, and smelt unpleasantly like the North Saskatchewan river.

Erik stared at his sodden roommate and absently pulled a long piece of brown-green, free-floating, pseudo-water plant from Ray’s hair. “Y’know,” he said after the two had stared at each other in silence for several minutes and Ray had sneezed twice, “those were Canadian geese, not ducks.”

“Sorry for not being up-to-date on my knowledge of Canadian waterfowl.” Ray sneezed again and moved to wipe his nose on his sleeve.

Erik caught Ray’s arm before it reached its sniffling destination. “I wouldn’t do that,” he cautioned.

Ray shot Erik a malevolent look from beneath dripping bangs.

“The river’s kind of notoriously gross. Not that you haven’t already been thoroughly marinated in it.” As an afterthought, he added, “You idiot.”

“Shall I use your sleeve, then?” Ray inquired with false sweetness. But he lowered his arm and sneezed again.

Erik eyed his disgruntled roommate and, after a moment’s hesitation, began searching in his pockets. After several minutes, he produced a crumpled Kleenex. “Here,” he said, holding the tissue out to his roommate.

“That’s disgusting.”

“Says the idiot who just went for a swim in the Saskatchewan.”

Reluctantly, Ray took the Kleenex.

“It’s clean,” Erik said. When Ray put the tissue to his nose, Erik added, “I’m pretty sure, anyway.” He grinned down at Ray, who blew his nose defiantly into the tissue before crumpling it into a tight ball. “Aren’t ninjas supposed to have good balance?”

Erik thought Ray was going to throw the wadded up, mucus-filled Kleenex at his head, but the self-styled ninja just shoved it into a pocket of his damp jeans. “A ninja is in a state of constant enlightenment.”

“How very philosophic of you. C’mon, let’s go and see if someone’s stolen your shoes.”

“You didn’t bring them with you?” Ray eyed the rough gravel of the path with obvious dismay.

“Sorry for not thinking of your tender ninja-feet while I was running down here, thinking you were drowned and dead.” Pointedly, Erik brushed dirt and pebbles off his skinned knee and the torn denim surrounding it.

Ray didn’t have the grace to look remotely guilty, but he didn’t complain either as they walked back up to the grass.

As Ray sat on the grass, putting his shoes on wet but bare feet, Erik said, “I don’t really want to drive back to Saskatoon with you in the car, smelling like the river.”

“Well, unless you’re going to tell me this place has public baths or swimming pools open in October in some bizarre display of masochism, you’ll have to. I’m not any happier about it than you are.” Ray examined his shoes, waving one foot in the air, apparently thinking. “Anyway, we’re going to Lloydminister, not Saskatoon.”

Erik resisted the urge to beat his head against one of the few trees on the river bank, and the one that followed soon after involving Ray’s head and the tree. “Ray,” he sighed, “wasn’t nearly killing someone, destroying public property, and falling into a province’s namesake enough?”

“If you abandon your goals so easily, Thor, you will never succeed at anything. Our goal is Lloydminister. And beer. And, hopefully, girls.”

Erik stared at his roommate. Still soaking wet, sneezing, and soon to be chilled to the bone in the sharp October weather, Ray’s sulkiness over his fall into the river had faded far too quickly. Optimism restored in the short walk back to his shoes, Ray was smiling lazily, his eyes bright and enthusiastic again. Erik sighed heavily. This wasn’t a battle he could win. “Fine. But only if Dustin hasn’t been arrested and gotten his car impounded.”

“Dust. Is. Fine,” Ray said emphatically.

Erik got the impression that Ray was very tired of hearing his opinion on the matter. Good. Let Ray be plagued with someone else’s stubborn, unchanging (but perfectly legitimate in this instance) opinion for once. “Well, come on,” he sighed, and grabbed Ray’s shoulder with one hand and his arm with another. Ray was hauled, perforce, to his feet. “You still got your wallet?”

“Yes, Thor. Despite what you may have learned in school, there’s a vast difference between a river and a mugger.”

Erik ignored his roommate. Good,” he said, and released Ray’s arm and shoulder. He automatically wiped his wet hands on the sides of his jeans. “Let’s go, then.” Resigned, he began to walk uphill toward the street.

Ray trailed Erik, wearing a confused expression. His wet socks hung from his back pocket, and as he walked, his shoes made squishing noises. Erik’s strides were unusually long, and Ray had to walk quickly to keep up with the tall Canadian. “Go where?”

“To get you some dry clothes that don’t smell like the river. That good with you?” Erik’s voice was dry.

“Do we have time?”

“If it means I won’t have to share a car with you smelling like that, then yes, we do. We can go find Dustin after, assuming he hasn’t been arrested.”

Ray made a rude gesture at Erik’s back and fell silent as they walked downtown. They crossed the street at one point to avoid an aggressive-looking panhandler, but the walk, which halted abruptly outside a thrift store, was otherwise uneventful.

Erik jerked his thump in the direction of the doorway. “Hurry up and find something dry that’ll fit. You can get changed in a public washroom or something.”

A grimace marred Ray’s cheerful face. “You know, it wouldn’t be hard to break into one of those little houses we passed near the river. Sneak in, use the shower, they’d never know we were in there if we cleaned up after ourselves.”

Erik twitched and shoved Ray at the door. “Shut up and get in there, idiot.”

“Thor, your lack of imagination seriously hinders your life experiences.”

“Would you shut up?” Erik hissed. “People are staring.”

“Not my fault,” Ray said, and whistled as he went into the store.

Erik ground his teeth and leaned against a nearby wall. He sighed. Taking a trip with his little brother Collin would be less stressful and profoundly less irritating than doing anything with Ray. Although Collin would never have been stupid enough to fall into the river. Thinking back to the expression on Ray’s face when Erik had helped him out of the water, Erik decided that this was one point, at least, in Ray’s favour. The only other positive point that sprang to mind was with Ray as a travelling companion, Erik’s parents would never find out about any of this. A slow smile curved his lips and he shut his eyes, almost relaxing, until a smoky voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Hey,” said the voice.

Erik opened his eyes automatically. He straightened politely, rolling one shoulder to remove the beginning of a kink that the pebbly material of the wall was causing. “Um, hi,” he said uncertainly. The owner of the smoky voice was a woman, pale and hollow-cheeked with grey smudges under her eyes. She smelt unpleasantly of smoke. Erik resisted the urge to cough, his eyes watering at the smell and suppression. The woman was wearing a short skirt and sandals, her bare toes turning blue in the cold weather. A long, if threadbare jacket was a slightly more sensible concession to the weather, but it hung open to reveal an undersized top and very little cleavage. Erik’s gaze flickered uncomfortable from the woman to the door of the thrift shop, but Ray didn’t come out. He shifted from one foot to the other, the wet soles of his shoes squeaking. A quick look along either side of the street showed it to be suddenly deserted; the nearest person was a block away. Even the panhandler had gone to find another doorway to stakeout.

Erik swallowed, returning his attention to the woman. “Can I, uh, help you, ma’am?”

She smiled at him. Her teeth were yellowed and Erik could count three missing. Her gums were dark. “I was going to ask you the same thing, sweetie.”

“Uh, no, no, I don’t think so. I’m just waiting for a friend, y’see.”

“I could be your friend,” she suggested, a skinny hand reaching out to caress his ass through the fabric of his jeans.

Eyes bugging out, Erik choked and staggered back. His hands came up defensively, waving frantically at the woman. “N-no, really ma’am, I’m fine. Honest.”

She eyed him in a calculating way that made his skin crawl, but from further up the street came the laughing voices of a young couple. With an almost philosophic shrug and a final pat, the woman wandered off.

When Ray came out of the store, a recycled grocery bag swinging from one hand, Erik was standing tensely by the wall, his arms crossed protectively over his chest. His face was beet red. Ray’s eyebrows rose curiously. “Have fun without me, Thor?” he asked innocently.

Erik’s blush deepened and he pushed away from the wall. “None or your business.” He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, his shoulders hunching. “C’mon,” he said roughly, and quickly began walking up the street.

The two students walked through the mall where Erik claimed he was certain there was a public washroom. At one point as the prowled the unimpressive mall, notably more crowded than the street, Erik dragged Ray into a store selling, among other domestic staples, towels. As they left, Ray now carrying a second bag, this one emblazoned with the store logo, containing the cheapest towel Erik could find, Erik said, “I hate malls.”

“Thank you, Captain Random. Care to elaborate?”

“There’s just something depressing about the unchanging sameness of them all. The malls in Saskatoon have all the same stores as here, just bigger. I bet Ottawa’s the same, right?”

Ray shrugged. “I guess.” He grinned, “I didn’t exactly spend a lot of time going shopping.”

“Laugh at me, then, you ass.” Erik scowled, then grabbed Ray’s shoulder. “There’s the washroom. Hurry up, eh?”

“Yes, yes, because the sooner I stink less, the sooner we can go save poor Dust from a fate worse than death. I know, I know.” Ray rolled his eyes expressively, blew a raspberry at Erik, and darted into the bathroom before his roommate could strangle him.

Erik jammed his hands into his pockets and hung around the bathroom door. He kicked the floor, the opposite wall, the wall behind him, and shifted restlessly from foot to foot. After getting several weird looks, he pushed away from the wall and stalked off, turning into a nearby store after a brief moment of hesitation. He emerged with a large paper bag in one hand, and made his reluctant way back to the washroom to wait for Ray.

When Ray emerged, looking dryer now that he was wearing too-big pants with a camouflage print and an equally oversized black sweatshirt, Erik snorted. Ray’s hair was still damp, although it stuck out in ways that suggested thorough and repetitive towelling. “You spent all that time in the thrift store and that’s what you bought?”

Ray looked down. “Camouflage is, like, jungle-ninja.”

“Whatever.” Erik eyed the plastic bag in Ray’s hand, dark spots of wetness visible and shifting whenever the bag swung. “You wanna toss that?”

“No way! I love those shirts.”

“They’re going to stink when we get home.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Ray’s jaw set, stubbornness personified. “What’s in the bag?”

“Nothing.” Erik pulled at Ray’s arm as the two began walking. “C’mon, let’s get to the police station and see if they’re done with Dustin yet.”

Ray shook off Erik’s hand and ran ahead before he turned around, walking backwards. Miraculously, he didn’t bump into anyone.

Ninja skills? Erik wondered, and shook his head, dismissing the idea.

“So, do you know where the police station is, Thor?”

“I think so.”

“You’re familiar with the location of the police station why? Are you hiding some deep, dark secret? Do you eat babies, Thor?”

“It’s not a big city and I’ve driven through it before.”

“Oh?”

Erik held up his fingers, counting incidents off as Ray slowed down and began to walk the right way around next to him. “Once to pick up my grandparents at the Saskatoon airport, once to go to the Saskatoon airport with Rowen and Collin, and then back. On the way to Regina for the provincial science fair with Dustin, and back. And once to look at the U of S campus.”

“With Dust.”

“Yeah.” Erik curled his fingers into a fist and punched Ray lightly in the shoulder. “Curiosity satisfied, ninja boy?”

“No,” Ray replied promptly. Erik groaned. “Why were you going to a science fair? Have you been hiding your science lusting side?” Bright brown eyes looked Erik up and down. “I think the deep, dark, baby-eating secret was more likely.”

“Dustin just needed someone to help him set things up and carry equipment.”

“Hired muscle. I see.” Ray looked at Erik once more, squinted a bit, then grinned. “Sort of see, anyway. You’re stringy, Thor.”

“Enough,” Erik groaned and grabbed Ray’s arm again, running across the street before the light changed. “Look, there’s Dustin’s car.” He pointed to the car sitting in the small parking lot. He frowned. “Do they keep impounded cars in the parking lot?”

Ray shrugged. “We could probably ask Dust. He’s right there.” Ray pointed to the doorway of the police station and Erik’s head snapped around to look. Sure enough, there was Dustin, looking as bland as ever, a young police officer at his side. There was no sign of Dustin being arrested, no handcuffs or aggressive body language, but Erik jogged to the foot of the steps. Ray followed at a more languid pace.

The officer broke off his conversation with Dustin, who raised one hand in greeting and stared at the two roommates. “You Erik Thorbiornsen and Ray Fujimoto?”

He didn’t sound angry, but Erik twitched nervously anyway. “Yessir. Um . . .”

“You really shouldn’t leave the scene of an accident, y’know,” the officer said lazily.

“Ah . . .”

“Lucky for you, Mr. McCloud here explained everything very thoroughly. Very honest young man, very eloquent.”

“Yeah . . .”

Ray, wrapping himself around the rail, stared at Dustin. His eyebrows lifted in disbelief.

“So, um, is he going to jail or anything?” Erik blurted.

The officer laughed. “‘course not. Some fines, a license suspension, not the end of the world or anything.”

“Uh, right.”

“You’ll want to have someone look at the car, though, when you’re back from Crow Lake, at the latest. Got a nasty dent in it.”

“Yeah . . . what?” Erik too transferred a disbelieving stare to Dustin, who had turned his head to watch a pigeon.

“My girlfriend’s from up around those parts,” the officer said, as though that explained everything. “You know the Kappens, boy?” This, addressed in a near-friendly tone to Erik.

“Yeah . . .”

“My girl’s family. You say hi for me, okay? And drive safely.”

Erik and Ray watched the officer go back inside while Dustin came down the steps, wearing identical looks of disbelief and confusion. Slowly, Ray unwound himself from the rail. “What,” Erik hissed as they walked to the car, “was that about?”

Dustin shrugged.

“Shit, man, don’t pull that kind of stuff with cops.”

Another shrug.

“You’re both nuts,” Ray said, and ran to the car.

“While you are a sane, well-adjusted individual,” Erik retorted and grabbed the back of Dustin’s jacket before his friend walked into the hood of the car. “Keys, Dustin.”

Without arguing, Dustin began to search in his pockets.

“Why are you driving?” Ray asked, resting his chin on the car’s roof.

“I have a licensed,” Ray answered as Dustin put the keys into his waiting hand.
,p> “So do I!”

“Then the world’s proven how much it hates me. Get in the back, Ray.”

“Aw, Thor, come on!”

“It’s Dustin’s car, idiot.”

Absently, Dustin pushed Ray aside and got into the passenger seat of his car.

“Thor!”

Erik scowled and threw the paper bag he was still lugging around at Ray. Ray, of course, caught it with no sign of fumbling. Stupid ninja. “We’re still going to Lloyd, okay? Be happy with that.” He ducked his head and got in behind the wheel, shoulders hunched apprehensively. “Get in and wrap up,” he added. “You’ve been sniffling since you fell in the river. Driving me nuts.”

Reluctantly, Ray climbed into the back of the car, curling up no the seat and looking far more comfortable than Erik had been sitting in the same spot. “Are you a pod person?” he asked as he pulled the heavy blanket out of the paper bag, wrapping it around himself.

“No, dammit. Your sniffling’s just really annoying. And Dustin needs a blanket in here, anyway, for winter driving. Safety, y’know.”

“Whatever you say, Pod Thor.”

Erik sighed, pressing his head against the wheel. “Let’s get out of this hell hole, eh?”

Dustin tapped Erik’s shoulder.

“Fine,” Erik beat his head once, softly, on the wheel. “But only because tradition demands.”

Erik leaned out of the open window, drummed his fingers on the car door, looked around the half-empty parking lot from his position on the fringe, and waited. He wished he’d been more emphatic about using the drive-through. He wished he’d gone inside himself, instead of letting himself be swayed by Dustin’s offer to take care of everything as an apology for the whole nearly killing someone with his reckless driving thing. He wished he’d gone with Dustin and found a way to lock Ray inside the car. He wished he had coffee in his hand. Above all, he wished he was back in Saskatoon in someone’s cramped and dirty apartment where all he had to worry about was Ray, instead of the results of Ray being unleashed on an entire town.

He also wished the dark woman in the tight jeans and skimpy top hadn’t made eye contact with him. He wished, wished, wished that she wasn’t walking toward the car with an inviting smile on her face, that showed her to be lacking most, if not all, of her teeth. Which might allow . . . Erik went red. “No thank you!” he choked out before the woman said a word, and hurriedly put the window up.

He slouched down in the driver’s seat as much as the limited leg room would allow, and he cursed Ray Fujimoto and Prince Albert in the privacy of his mind. He was becoming quite proud of the creativity and originality the curses were showing when Dustin and Ray returned.

Dustin pressed the familiar cup into Erik’s hands.

“Thanks, man,” Erik said, reluctantly straightening and taking a sip of the comfortably cheap, almost-bad coffee.

“I sort of expected a tradition with a bit more substance to it,” Ray said as he threw himself into the back seat.

“There’s plenty of substance to the grand Canadian tradition of coffee-and-doughnuts on a road trip, Ray.” Erik put down his coffee and started the car, frowning. He drove in silence until they were out of the city and on the highway. After another sip of coffee, he asked, “Do I look like someone who needs to pay to have sex?”

The corner of Dustin’s eye flickered and he drank coffee with too much milk in it without moving the cup from his lips. No help to be found there.

Erik heard Ray make a few muffled noises of amusement into the back of Dustin’s seat. He braced himself for the inevitable, teasing response.

“Doughnut?” Ray asked.

“Are you happy now?” Erik asked, nursing his beer tensely. Any moment he was certain someone was going to point to him in the realization that he was only seventeen, and he’d have to spend the rest of the night waiting in the car for Dustin and Ray. He felt hopelessly juvenile, although, as he had pointed out to Ray on their arrival after too many hours of driving, he had been able to find Lloydminister.

“I,” said Ray, halfway through his fourth beer, “am very happy.”

“Good. Then we never need to do this again.”

“But Thor, we know the way now!”

“I always knew the way. It was you and Dustin who got lost. And it was you who neglected your duty as navigator and let Dustin nearly hit that old woman.”

“How’s that my fault?” Ray looked indignant.

“Whosoever should be forced to navigate for Dustin McCloud is charged with the duty of making sure he hits no trees, poles, signs, cars, cats, dogs, moose, deer, cows, sheep, horses, or people.”

“What about goats?”

“Doesn’t matter about goats. I don’t like goats.” Erik drained his mug and waved for a refill. “Also, turning.”

Ray frowned. “You don’t like turning?” He finished his beer and pushed his mug next to Erik’s for more.

“No,” Erik snorted. Ray didn’t hold his alcohol as well as Erik had expected. Were the Japanese traditionally good drinkers? Were Italians? Were ninjas? “You’re supposed to make sure Dustin turns. And breaks. Sometimes he forgets.” Erik thanked the waitress and had another drink.

Ray stared at Erik after this revelation, large eyes wider than usual over the rim of his mug. He wiped his lips with the back of his sleeve. “You’re kidding.”

“No lie, ninja boy.”

“You can’t tell me he drives like that and he’s never been arrested,” Ray echoed his comment from earlier in the day.

“Twice.” Solemnly, Erik held up two fingers. “Once in Regina, once in Doherty.”

“Regina?” Ray asked, draining his mug.

“Yeah,” Erik grinned and followed Ray’s example. “When we were there for the science fair. We were late to set up. I told him to hurry,” Erik put down the mug, “and then WHAM!” He slammed his fist into the opposite palm. “Hit a car. Police car, too. Pretty well fucked over Dustin’s chance to go to nationals, that.”

“He does okay, though,” Ray said, looking over to where Dustin was sitting.

“Yeah,” Erik agreed, following Ray’s gaze to look at Dustin. The dark pre-med student was sitting at the bar, writing something on a napkin, and having his usual effect on every tipsy, straight woman in the area. “Lucky oblivious bastard.”

The waitress came and filled their mugs again.

They drank.

“And Doherty?”

“Oh, that was just stupid, goofing around in the high school parking lot.”

“Everyone does that.”

“We crashed into the principal’s car.”

“Oops,” Ray said, and sniggered into his beer.

“After he’d threatened to have me suspended for disorderly conduct.”

“Very suspicious. You rebel, Thor.” Ray yawned. “What’d you do?”

“Doesn’t matter now.” Erik squinted at his beer, shrugged, and drained the mug once more. “You ever been arrested?”

“For driving? No way, Thor my boy. Wasn’t old enough to drive in Tokyo, no reason to, anyway, with public transportation. Same in Ottawa. Busses and things, right?”

“For things besides driving?”

“Those are ninja secrets,” said Ray. He grinned and poked Erik in the nose.

Erik grinned back.

The waitress – or was it a different one? – came and filled their mugs.

They grinned at each other and drank.

“Shame about the girls, though,” said Ray.

“If you wanted to pick up girls that badly, you shouldn’t have brought Dustin along. They love the whole silent, mysterious act.”

“It’s an act?”

Erik shrugged and looked over at Dustin again.

Dustin was gone.

Ray said as much. “Maybe he got lucky?”

“Dustin McCloud does not get lucky. Women get lucky if they can make Dustin realize they exist for longer than two minutes.”

“Maybe one of them got lucky?”

“Maybe. ‘nother drink?”

“Sure.”

They sat. They drank.

Erik lost count of how many beers they had when Ray began yawning almost nonstop, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of one hand. Slowly, Erik looked around. Dustin was still gone, but Dustin’s ways could appear mysterious if you didn’t know him.

With great care, Erik got to his feet and put an arm around Ray for support. “C’mon, let’s get back to the car.”

Ray nodded and got to his feet, stumbling. He stared at the table for a minute before searching in his pockets. After he managed to find his wallet, he rifled through it, mumbling numbers to himself before removing a wad of cash and laying it on the table with exaggerated precision. “There. That should cover everything.” He sounded very proud of himself.

“Great, great.” Erik patted his head. “To the car.”

“To the car!” Ray laughed, resting his head on Erik’s slouched shoulder as the two navigated from the table to the door. Ray stared up at the night sky once they were outside and yawned again. “Where’d you park?”

Erik pointed and they set off down the street, Ray humming the entire way. When they reached the car, Ray fell against it like a long lost friend, resting his cheek on the cool metal. He squinted. “Someone’s in there.”

“Lemme see.” Erik pressed his face against the window. Inside, someone was spread across the front seats. The outline of the spiky head was reassuringly familiar, however. “It’s just Dustin.”

“No one got lucky.”

“Looks like.” Erik opened the back door. “Unless they’re very fast. Or very small.”

“Or invisible. Like Bob.”

Erik laughed, hit his head on the car ceiling, and laughed at his own expense. He crouched into the back seat, pillowing his head on the opposite door. Ray followed, climbing over Erik’s legs and shutting the door. He lay his head on the back of the driver’s seat, yawning hugely. Erik searched underneath his legs and back until he found the heavy blanket brought in Prince Albert. He tossed one end to his roommate and pulled his own end up to his chin. The blanket smelled a lot like the North Saskatchewan, a little like Ray, and a bit like coffee and doughnuts. Erik sneezed, pushed the blanket down around his waist, and rolled over as best he could, trying to make himself comfortable as he fell asleep.